maybe we were meant to be

In another universe, we made it. You didn’t have any other choices to make, any other second chances to give. But I try not to think too often about that universe.  Right now, I am here — without you, and in this universe I am teaching my heart to be okay with that. Right now, I am learning that it is okay to stop fighting. To let things be. In this universe, I am taking all of the trips we planned alone. I am making myself coffee in my own place. In this universe, I am healing. I am growing. I am stretching into the space you used to occupy in my life, and I am learning how to be thankful for that. In this universe, I am accepting of what you need.  P.S. There are no longer pictures in my postings because nothing is worth capturing / nothing holds that much meaning anymore now. In this universe

Or at least what I try to do as a morning routine. Get a cup of hot coffee. Make a list of the most basic tasks and cross them off as I do them.   As basic getting up and  brushing teeth. Just so I get that sense of achievement and momentum, which hopefully then grows throughout your day. They say the productive only get more productive Text someone good morning.  Aside from such messages being lovely to receive, it makes you feel connected. Knowing my limits. I’m  never going to be someone who can actually get up and run for 1 hour before work. Stepping out of my comfort zone and growing doesnt meant being untrue to what gives me fulfillment or being who I’m. I hope you are doing the same too, in your own routines.

I’d never run out of words to describe you. Every bit of you was beautiful. And your smile, this unapologetically magnetic power you’ve harnessed, even from just looking at your photos, I can’t get enough of it.  You gave meaning. Nothing seemed unfathomable, and every unexpected moment would merely appear to be another thing to unravel. You asked me to try and I will.  And this is why I will not stop writing for you, regardless if you knew or read them

People come and go, but only the truest stay with and love you for who you are. I have always admired long lasting relationships I’ve watched in movies.  Not everybody is blessed to have real friends / lovers or even family who will stick by their side no matter what.  I have loved and I have lost people along the years. But thanks for staying with me through all these years.  You are one of the few treasures in my life and for all the deep talks and goofy times, I’ll always keep you in my heart.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve gone through more emotions and feelings than I ever thought possible, and I’ve felt more confused than ever.   I want you to know that I understand what you must be going through. I had never met anyone who can create such a spark in my soul and share such an strong affinity with.  I don’t think I will ever not miss you.  I know life must continue even when you’re not a part of it, but I hope you know that I’ll always be thinking of you.  One of the riskiest things we do as humans is love people without the knowledge that the person will ever love you back the same way or if they will leave one day.  I took a risk in falling for you, and I don’t regret it.

I will not wait for you, but I’ll wait with you. I love you, but I also love myself. If we are meant to be, then we will be; like you said. I promised you and I’ll keep my promise; I’m not going to push aside anything in my life that will be good for me.  But I’ll sit around and wait with you. I’ll be here for you to talk to, and I promise to listen to you without judgement.  I’ll be here to hold space for you. I’ll be here to give you a shoulder to cry on when you’re sad or overwhelmed, a hand to hold when you’re scared or lonely, and open arms to enfold you in when life gets to be too much.  I’ll be here to offer you advice and love but only when you need it. I’ll be here for you always and forever as your closest friend because I refuse to give up on us. I’ll want to still be involved in your life. And I’ll wait with you as long as it takes. I’ll wait with you because I want to see you flourish. I’ll wait with you because I want to see you transform...